What in the world is going on?

I have been to places where my heart meets my brain and the two do not align. So many times one or the other want to take over making me quite imbalanced. Either I am trying so hard to intellectualize a problem or situation or I let my heart run my ship. This way of living has been heightened during this pandemic. I refused for so long to write about the dreaded Covid-19; hoping maybe this would just be a blip in our history. It seems as though this ‘blip’ has now fully immersed itself here to stay. Ever-changing the way we view the world, our friends, our neighbors, or co-workers, the healthcare system, our schools… the list goes on.

stress stroke?

There hasn’t been just one thing that has happened to me during this pandemic. I have had trauma after trauma happen. Not to be too selfish here, but after all this is my blog lol; I would be within my rights to say the past year and half has been a test to my existence here. Yes, I get it everyone has things happen to them get over it Jessica. Yet, come on my mind goes back to March when I was on a mission to protect all of Camrose with making 450 masks in my basement, watching CNN and CTV all day until Easter Sunday when I lost the ability to speak words clearly and half of my face went numb for over 24hrs. My husband, bless his soul told our staff that I needed to take a bit of a break as I was overstressed… well, maybe I was? I felt “fine” and how would I ever slow down, that is just not in me.

crushed life

Then lets jump a few months later June 12, 2020 a damn tree falls on me, almost crushing the life out of me. Seriously taking me out of the scene of the outside world for almost two months, while I healed. I came back to work a new woman, or so I thought. I wasn’t going to go so hard, take on too much or get “too invested”. My new purpose on earth was to shine God’s love and make sure people knew about Him. Well, that lasted until about November when I could sense a strong shift in our business and the people who worked there.

out of control

The anxiety was getting to me. What if’s started to pop into my head. It isn’t easy running a business and keeping people happy in the best of situations, now lets add isolation, and fear of Covid-19 to the mix. I was starting to go down rabbit holes and invest time into terrible thoughts about the world. Feeling out of control brought on new meaning to my life.

carrots can distract

Working my way through these past few months of 2021 has been a challenge. I have taken on new hobbies, chickens and a garden. Healthy things. Yet, the looming questions of the worlds situation still persisted. Even last night I found myself crying and unsure about the school system, masking, power and control tactics, the vaccine…oh dear the list goes on. I laid down and pulled out my pencil and started to refocus on the garden harvest! Surely carrots, beets and cucumbers will overshadow these world issues in my mind!

mistakes can point to truth

I woke up this morning at 5:30am which has become a regular instance in my daily routine. Went out and fed the chickens (one died again) and checked on the quack grass growing in my garden. I came in and got set up to do my devotion (coffee in hand, warm heat bag and my journal). It was here that I was strongly reminded how to rest my brain. Unexpectedly, I was working through my devotion and one of the parts is to write out the verses in order in the back of the booklet. So, I wanted to start where I had left off. However, instead of writing 2 Timothy 4:5 I wrote out 1 Corinthians 4:5 in my booklet. This made no sense to me, I had to google the verse I had written down because I had no idea where it came from.

I always pray to God before my devotion that He will show me something I need to know. So here we are an hour later in my morning. 1 Corinthians 4:5 is now the verse I am to read. STUNNED! I cannot believe my eyes:

1 Corinthians 4:5

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in the darkness and will expose the motives of the heart.  At that time each will receive their praise from God.

my explanations are not required

And just like that, my brain is at rest. God is in control. He is the one that will expose any wrong-doings in our world; and will be the one to catch people in their motives. A weight is lifted off of me and put back exactly where it belongs, with Christ.

Does this mean I blindly follow or accept things that are not aligned with my questioning heart? No, this means that my yes can be yes, my no be no and explanations are not needed. I will let God do the explaining and expose whatever is truth, in His timing.

out plan God; and be out of the best plan

I have one responsibility; to encourage others to rest in God. He wins in the end. Whichever way that may be, however it may turn out. It is not our business to know what in the world is going on. God has the plan, and we need to have faith. When we try to “out plan” God and be a few steps ahead of situations, our alignment is out of whack. A good friend reminded me of this the other day, however it wasn’t until this one little verse exposed itself to me that my rest finally came today.

I will pray the rest firmly stays within my soul. Maybe I should write it out and paste it everywhere so I am reminded daily, when the world’s issues start to penetrate? Yup, that is what I will do. What will you do to remind yourself that God’s plan is better than yours?

let’s chat

Message me, let us help each other on this feat. I would be blessed to hear all the different ways you remind yourself of God’s plan and not merely your own.