โ ๐๐ก๐จ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐จ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฌ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฌ ๐จ๐ ๐ฃ๐จ๐ฒ. Psalm 126:5
Deciding each day to move forward
Most mornings I pop out of bed with weights of anxiety, from an hour of laying in bed thinking about all of the important things I am responsible for. I think about all of the people I pissed off or the people that pissed me off. The conversation in my head is whirling about the should and should not’s for my behavior each day and I try to play out situations to prepare myself for the day. Most days, I don’t want to do all the things I need to; even with all the prep work I do in my mind. I know I will come home exhausted and surely would have offended someone during the day. The days I don’t offend or tick-off someone, usually are the days I have done this to myself or God.
Yet, I choose to go, meet the world each day and put my strength in Jesus’ hands. God has the bigger plan that I can’t even see right now. One foot in front of the other I step into the new day; with my best friend, Jesus.
The verse I chose today that inspired my writing is Psalm 126:5 and it resonated with me about how my grandma Jennie would have had such struggles even 40 years ago. There was no worry within me when I was around her; it was like she took it all on her shoulders. Grandma had so many problems dumped on her, I am surprised she kept opening up her doors to me.
Thank you Jesus
Grandma would tear up with joy and appreciation while she planted her garden or brought food in. She would say “thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus” with this soft voice and appreciation for her bounty. Grandma milked 12 cows on her own each morning, then preparing supper early for her family before she left for work at the hospital for her 3pm shift. Her worry about getting all the work done was probably monumental; however she pushed through and still praised Jesus. Even though I have heard she wasn’t the most pleasant mom all the time, I understand why.
Yesterday I was collecting my garden bounty and I started to tear up, saying “Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus.” It was so natural to praise Jesus in the garden with tears streaming down my face. When I came into the house I cried and told my husband how much I missed my grandma. It was during that moment that I realized how brave she really was.
how do people live without Jesus?
I couldn’t imagine doing life without Jesus and I know grandma felt the same. There were times she struggled with being abused, painfully hurt by her own church or losing her first born child as an adult. My grandma still had tears of appreciation to God! She walked BRAVELY with Him everyday, not knowing what the next day would bring, she just pushed through the one she was in. Not all of her days were pleasant and I heard of days she stayed in bed for sometimes at length. Yet, in spite of these lows she arose.
There are so many lessons I could learn from her about being brave each day and walking through the pain, hurt and conflict only to lean heavier on Jesus.
Today I choose to cry with gratitude. Just like grandma did.
P.S. Her favorite plant was the Bleeding Heart bush; now its symbolism means so much more to me.
