I am not someone who has reoccurring dreams. When my head hits the pillow I usually wake up 7 hours later with a pang in my stomach and a rush to my brain of all the days work I have to do. My body wakes me up; not usually dreams.
This week I have had two very similar dreams, yet vastly unique. Interestingly enough I think that these dreams are worth discussing; and like dreams in biblical times, God spoke to people through them. Analysis of my dreams only seems appropriate to me this morning.
i can climb
You may know me well enough my fear of heights is paralyzing. I have so much fear that even in grade three a teacher had to crawl up the big rainbow climbing apparatus to get me down. This rescue happened when they realized I was stuck up there since first recess! I can climb like no ones business; going up is not the issue. Coming down is where the fear paralyzes me. I can see where I have climbed to and moments of pride are fast overshadowed by the terrifying reality that I have to get down some how.
going too fast in life
Last night I was traveling on a road I travelled many times. Years ago it was my path to home, a little curve coming down the foothills just past Nordegg, Alberta. This hill was only a few miles out of the small hamlet and I knew it well. But last night I was going so fast and simultaneously trying to put my big purse on the passenger side seat and buckle my seat belt on. My foot wouldn’t press the brakes to slow down and I swerved right on the angle of the corner, just as someone was driving up the hill towards me. Falling off the side of the road terrified me, yet to protect this innocent person from getting hit… I headed straight for the steep embankment and that is when I woke up!
risks I can’t take right now
Three nights ago I was having the best time climbing a mountain in winter with my three older kids. We were in our outside gear just laughing and having fun when we saw a huge winter fun station. This place had the craziest yellow slide that looked like so much fun. In my head I knew our ski pants would help us to go even faster! The kids were taunting me to go slide down and we all climbed a few stairs to the top of the slide.
my kids opinion means so much to me
I could hear Owen laughing saying “Is mom really going to do this?” I said, “Why wouldn’t I?”, then looking down and saw this slide was as tall as a gondola with no sides to it; and was as narrow as my hips are wide. Immediately the panic struck me as I saw the end of the slide had a drop off over ten feet in the air!
paralyzed in fear
I couldn’t go down or I would surely be injured, or worse die. My kids were taunting me and I couldn’t understand why they wanted me to go down this slide and possibly hurt myself. I cried at the top of that slide. ( And I am crying now as I write this, remembering the terror I felt). Being paralyzed in fear, I was terrified to move.
I woke up crying because I couldn’t get down the mountain any other way other than taking this fast, dangerous slide down that had a massive drop off the end. After these two dreams I thought: “Is God trying to tell me something?” Realism tells me that I have a great fear of heights so this makes sense to dream about falling… however, this feels different.
take a fast slide or a dangerous turn
Like I said above, I can climb. I can get to the top of the mountain and see the view and appreciate God’s splendor. It is the going down and facing risk that I struggle with. In the one dream, there was no other choice in order to get off the mountain I had to take the fast slide and fall. Then in the other dream in order to save another persons life I had to risk launching my car off an embankment.
what did my dreams mean to me?
Seriously, God has a funny way of showing me answers to my questions. These dreams showed me a few things. Here is my list:
- My children want me to be authentic and take risks to gain their approval and respect.
- I am scared of failure.
- To save someone else may mean giving up myself.
- To get out of a situation, I may need to take risks that could physically hurt me. *but not spiritually.
- My busy fast paced life could distract me from doing what is right.
- I can climb, play and enjoy life but in order to do this I have to get rid of something that is holding me back.
- My fear protects me from being hurt.
And if all of the above is not accurate, maybe God was just showing me to get over my fear of heights, lol.
morale of my story
Climbing is a strength I have, but looking down at where I have come from and going that direction terrifies me. The best way to realize that I can go back, is that the climb made me stronger. I can take the journey down and risk the fear of being hurt.
