Again, this is a quick writing challenge as part of a training I am in. It took me awhile to wrap my head around writing more personally, however I am finding that words come easier when I am not trying to be ‘smart’. The direction of this letter is personal to my previous marriage and my current husband was quite concerned people would think I was talking about our marriage… I thought that was funny since the title is “letter to my past self”. Anyhow, please take a moment to comment or send me an email with feedback or your story if you’d like. All of you who take the time to read what I write, encourages me immensely.
You will not always be happy
Jessica, I want you to know that in a marriage you will not always be happy. There will be seasons of great difficulty, anguish, pain and hurt, but these times will pass. You cannot look to the other person for your happiness. They are not a clown with a sole purpose to entertain you, or a teddy bear always available to snuggle.
It’s OK to be sad
You will be alone at times, even lonely. You will be sad and that’s OK! However, when you are lonely or sad, do NOT allow temptations of the devil to get a hold of you. There will be so many times you will be tempted but seek the Lord. Go to Him more, not less.
Do not concentrate on the ugly
It will not be easy, but it will be simple. Pray each day, many times a day if you need to, seek God’s face in your every moment, repent from your own sins and allow Christ to shine through you. When you are feeling like your marriage is the most hurtful place you could be- give yourself permission to find joy. You need to find goodness in your spouse instead of concentrating on the ugly.
The Golden Rule
Treat your husband exactly how you want to be treated! Do not allow others to tell you that you deserve better. Take a look at how you are treating him and ask yourself if he deserves how you are acting.
Walk Away and Pray
Also, each and every decision you make affects EVERYONE! When you feel like you need to escape to a greener pasture, you are doing it for YOU! It is not for the kids or your family. Being selfless does not mean being unworthy or accepting abuse, it means that you put Christ first and protect His family. So, Jessica in those moments of scary nights or abusive screaming matches- WALK AWAY AND PRAY! Instead of fighting back, protect your family with the shield of Christ. Love even when you do not feel loved.
Make a Plan
Leave the situation if you have to and stay away until you can have enough time to reflect on a plan. You do not need to go back and hope something is different, nothing will be different until there is a plan. A workable plan.
Do Not Sell the Pasture
Do not leave to a better ‘pasture’, because my dear sweet Jessica, the pasture that God gave you was perfect- it just needed fertilizer and water to grow. When a pasture dies, you plow it up, re-seed, fertilize and water. You do not sell it to the next guy to fix! But if you do sell the pasture, do not be mad if he does a better job growing that pasture than you did.
