keep your head down girl

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I am sure that you have heard “Keep your head up”, “Look to where you are going, and you will get there”, and other such statements. Well, after my near death experience on a mountain (my exaggerated way of saying I was scared to death), I have decided that keeping your head up, is not always the best way to get through a situation.

Interestingly, I was asked by my lovely husband, to climb up a mountain on the last day of vacation. I say ‘interesting’ because truth be told I do not climb, or even like to walk. I told him I would rather drink a latte and finish my book by the pool. He looked so sad and my internal goal-setting challenge side convinced me it was a good idea, so I started in on this journey.

With each step, I was exhausted and hot (the kind of hot where you feel the drip down your back and in places you would rather not be sweaty). I was not having a splendid time, but I was envisioning myself with an ice cream cone at the top of the mountain where the gondola was to take us back down. Two and a half hours of climbing, (a venture that was supposed to take us 1 hour in total), we ran out of water and we were wondering if we took a wrong turn.

Just when I was really questioning my decision, we passed some wonderful people who said the end was in sight, only 25 minutes left. Exciting news. That ice cream shop and water only 25 minutes away!

Friends, this is where it gets hairy. The trail was washed out to the point where only about half my shoe would fit cross ways. In addition to the wash out, there was a cliff on the other side that dropped into a ravine! I tried my hardest to get across. I kept my head up staring at the end goal but it looked so scary. My shoes began to slip, my heart was racing and all I could think about was that I would end up on the Global Morning News. Hiker dies after falling to her death.

Turning around was my only option. So that is what I did, I turned around crying and hyperventilating. My husband did not want to go back down the mountain and he was really annoyed by this point. May I add, he is also not afraid of heights and has a better BMI than I did at 20. He was reluctantly following me down the mountain. We had no water. It was almost 4:30 pm and we knew this was not a good idea without bear spray. But I persisted.

Then those lovely people we had seen 20 minutes previously were taking a rest. They offered to help get us across the washed out place. They convinced me that I could do it. All I had to do is listen to them and we together could get across.

Surprisingly, I chose to give it another try. Them being there was an answer to prayers! At least they would go for help when I fall to my death. This is what was going through my head at the time.

We get to the part of the trail where it is washed out. My new friends tell me to keep my head down, face the mountain, do not look forward. I was inching my way following her every step ahead of me. She kept saying “keep looking at where your feet are”. I was looking, intensely, watching, penetrated eyes on each little inch of movement.

Finally, I looked up after she said, “YOU DID IT!” I was shaking with joy and adrenaline. I could not believe I conquered that trail.

So much was going through my head in those moments but the biggest one was to keep my head down. I learned a lesson that day. God wants me to keep my head down sometimes. He wants me to ask for help. He wants me to inch my way to my goals and not try to jump to the finish line.

My whole life I have conquered my challenges by seeing past them. I kept my head up, looked into the future and envisioned myself there. Do you also realize all of the “I” statements? I usually conquered things on my own. This was the first time in my life where I felt success by keeping my head down, and asking for help.

My friends, this ‘head down‘ idea goes against all of my previous teachings and goal setting strategies I demand of myself. I learned to truly see myself in the moment, each little step, watching what I am doing. I chose not to concentrate on the end result.

Sometimes in order to get to the end result I must keep my head down and push through scary times. I learned that I can’t just jump over my fears or envision myself out of my pain. I have to be in it, feel it, inch my way through. The end was more glorious that day because I truly felt each step of the journey.

being in the present is far greater than planning for my future.

~Jessica