My nails are a beautiful shade of coral. The nail tech whom I adore said I should “step out on the crazy side and do a full color”. Instead of my neutral french type I always get. I picked the color, I would have gravitated to the pale pink, or soft beige however her eyes were watching to see how daring I would be. I chose a bright coral. I didn’t show my hesitation or my internal struggle to ‘this is not me’. I smiled and chose. I wanted her to think I was cool, trendy and fun.
PEOPLE PLEASING
I am home now, staring at these nails thinking to myself , ‘why didn’t I just do what felt comfortable to me; do what felt like me?’ I know why. And this is where the lie comes in, I am a people pleasing person. Being a pleaser is not in itself the lie, that is a very admirable trait. It is the lack of authenticity we hold while we are trying to please the other person.
FEAR OF REJECTION
Everyday I do this in some capacity, whether it is saying I love that gross coffee hand delivered by a lovely friend or saying ‘yes I can do that for you’ even when I know it will mean I have to stay later at work. I watch the person I am helping leave on time for dinner while I sit plugging away at my work with no one to help me. Is it my pride that I do not say I do not have time? Is it my fear of rejection? Maybe both.
You would expect that a confident, hard working, doer like I like to think of myself, would have enough authenticity to stop people pleasing. It comes from within. It is ingrained in me like a bad habit. It feels unnatural to me to not please others at the expense of my own time, energy or interests.
AUTHENTICITY
There are more deep versions of lack of authenticity as well. We ALL have lived them in some capacity or have watched or are currently watching our children go through them. Peer pressure to do drugs, drink, have sex, be disrespectful to adults; the list can go on and on. It is sad how our cultural norm is to be popular and wanted, only at the expense of assimilating to the majority. After adolescents we just learn to hide it better.
REFLECTION
I want everyone who reads this to reflect on their own people pleasing. We want to tell ourselves that we are doing it to ‘be nice’, ‘spare feelings’ blah blah blah. But the truth is we need to protect ourselves a lot more. Our family, our friends and our faith depend on our authentic selves. They do not want some watered down version of who we are.
EVEN IF
Even if we may hurt someone’s feelings because we may have to say no, this is a yes for yourself. The lie we tell ourselves is that we are just in a ‘season’ of pleasing. That later on, say at 50 maybe, we will be authentic and stop pleasing. That magically we will put ourselves first once it ‘doesn’t matter’. Listen friends, it does matter. Even the little things. Even the beige neutral nails.
2 TIMOTHY 2:15
DO YOU BEST TO PRESENT YOURSELF TO GOD AS ONE APPROVED, A WORKER WHO HAS NO NEED TO BE ASHAMED, RIGHTLY HANDLING THE WORD OF TRUTH.
